Bizarre Questions

Hello, world!

I haven’t posted in so long, but not from lack of meeting strange people. I meet weirdos every day but usually at work. And since I work in the health-care field, it is a huge violation of privacy for me to talk about them. Especially because their strangeness usually somehow stems from their medical conditions. Everyday I wish I could come home and tell you about all the quacks I encountered at work. But I take HIPPA pretty seriously.

Except I HAVE to share this story from yesterday. Not the weirdest, but strange for sure. There is a patient who frequents our office with her mother. Everyone in the office has had multiple altercations with this woman and there are now only two people, including the doctor, that she will actually speak with. However, she just can’t avoid speaking with me–I answer the phone, I check people in, I check people out and I handle about half of the daily administrative functions of the place–she can’t hide from me.

She arrived at the window to check out the other day and when I asked about specific time restrictions in regard to her mother’s next appointment, she thought about it for a while and then asked me (with this strange grin) if I watch the Ellen Degeneres show. I didn’t really know what to say, even though the answer could have been a simple “no.” The expression on her face made me think she was going to tell me that I remind her of someone on the show. I answered, “sometimes,” which is a lie. I don’t know why I said that, but whatever. It turns out she was asking because she wanted me to “Google” when the new season started. She was afraid her mother’s appointment would interfere with Ellen.

I don’t even have any snarky commentary on this. It still puzzles me. I told her that our computers blocked us from non health-related websites. Lie. But I was not about to use my time to look up Ellen.

Maybe you have to know this woman to understand how bizarre this conversation was. It was extra weird because I know she hates me. Not two weeks ago, she told me that myself and everyone else in the office were incompetent. Maybe now that she thinks I am a fellow Ellen fan, we will bond or something…

Don’t Lecture and Drive

While driving recently, I encountered a very unhappy man. he was middle- aged, not terrible looking, seemingly harmless. But perhaps what made him so unhappy was his terrible averageness and his terribly-average Buick. He was pulled up beside me while we waited at a stop light on an average summer afternoon. The light was red and I remembered that I was supposed to call my father. I reached for my phone when I heard quite an above-average scoff from the car next to me. I turned to look and the man was yelling at me:
Me: Excuse me?
Man in Buick: *scoff* cell phones, huh? Are you trying to kill yourself or me?

Now, I certainly understand this man’s frustration. I have noticed that those who drive while talking on a phone drive like idiots. But like all of those people, I consider myself to not be one of those people. Besides, who does this guy think he is?

Me: Actually, it’s still legal and frankly, it’s none of your business.
Man: It is my business when you crash into me (bitch bitch etc etc)
Me: What are you having a bad day or something? Mind your own goddamn business. Fuck you.

Now perhaps it was out of line for me to behave this way. I have heard plenty of stories of road-rage-gone-wild– baseball bats smashing windshields, guns under the seat, heavy objects thrown– but this guy was CLEARLY just a loser. You know how I could tell? Two reasons. One: his next line to me.

Man: Well, that would make it a better day; it’s been a long time.

Pervert/loser.

Two: His CB radio. Yes, he had a CB radio in his Buick for no apparent reason. And he was talking on it while badgering me through his open window. Maybe there is some logical reason why he has it. But he just seemed like the type to have it just because. Just because his life and his Buick are so boring that he needs every on the road to think he is important with that big antenna.

He continued yelling at me long after I rolled up my widow and ignored him. Finally the light turned green and we were on our way. I successfully called my dad while driving and I didn’t kill myself or anyone else. Yes, driving while using your phone is not safe. But it’s legal, unlike the hundreds of other unsafe things I do in my car (speed, cut people off, swear at strangers, etc). It’s the 21st century and I’m of a technology-dependent generation. I love my smartphone and not even the law will separate us. So when you old-timers see me drive n’ dial, and you want to scream, “Those damn kids and their cell phones,” keep your windows rolled up tight. I can’t listen to you bitch, talk on the phone AND drive at the same time.

Tags: Cell phones, driving, road rage.

The Ghost of Emo Past

This year marks the 10^th anniversary of an album that marked the beginning of my teenage angst. Thursday’s Full Collapse debuted in 2001 when I was merely a freshman in high school. I remember buying the special edition of the album and I also remember that on the first day of my freshman year I wore my Full Collapse t-shirt and a pair of ratty converse. It’s hard to believe that was ten years ago. I had completely forgotten until a friend invited Wayne and I to see Thursday live at the Worcester Palladium, playing Full Collapse in its entirety. Everything about this situation was nostalgic for me. The Palladium has hosted all of my favorites over the years and I’ve been to numerous concerts there. The last was about 5 years ago so going back was quite an experience.

Those of you who are older than me, may think I am silly to speak of all of this as the distant past, but my recent experience at the Palladium was the first time I have felt old. Okay, maybe old isn’t the right term…maybe “mature” or “adult-like” is better. Regardless, I don’t think I fit in anymore to the angry punk/emo scene. And I’m pretty happy about it.

We were among the older people there. Most of the younger kids were there to see the headlining band, UnderOATH (another one of my high school favorites) though there were many people singing along with Thursday to Full Collapse. The one thing that really struck me is the way these kids dress. Now, I know that I have been guilty of the hipster “look” these kids were donning, but I was also 16 years old. They dress for each other, that’s for sure; crazy hair, gauged ears, the most vague band t-shirts they can find, generic Vans and boys in girl jeans. It was so funny to see! It was nice to be standing back, dressed somewhat like adults, drinking alcohol (we were straight edge when Full Collapse came out) and enjoying the people-watching. We weren’t trying to impress anyone.

We thought it would be fun to go down by the stage for the show. Holy mosh-pit. I had forgotten what a stressful and terrifying experience it is to try getting close to the stage for these shows. The smell of body odor alone made me sick and my feet are still purple from being stepped on. Something about this type of music makes people angry. As soon as the first chords are strummed, they start flailing their fists and jumping around like fish out of water. Despite the music induced violence, Thursday was great. I enjoyed them the most from several feet away. We stayed for about 3 songs in to UnderOATH’s set. Then we got back into my bumper-sticker free car and drove home and went to bed.

No, I didn’t meet anyone crazy, just the ghost of my former self which may be one of the strangest experiences I’ve had. I don’t regret who I was as a teen. Actually, I embrace the fact that I was different among my immediate peers, even if girls like me were (and still are) a dime-a-dozen at the Worcester Palladium.

Dad. Dinner. Dante Club.

Though this post will be short, I think it will be a great way to get this blog started. The evening revolved around my Dad-a small town cop- who just so happens to know the weirdest people. His girlfriend couldn’t make their monthly traditional trip to the Dante Club for dinner tonight, the lucky lady. Actually, I had a lot of fun. It reminded me that I’m Italian and I saw some folks worth seeing. I thought it would be a prime opportunity to gather blog material and it was disappointing in that respect, but have no fear!! You didn’t think I’d leave such a gem of a venue without something, right?
The best part of the dinner, besides seeing my dad stuff sausages into his pocket to bring home to the dog, was seeing my Dad interact with his fellow townies. If you know my father at all, you know that he is well-stocked with corny jokes. Now I know where he gets them from.
A large gruff man stopped at our table to say hello and see if we had any extra food.
“HEY, MIKE!! HOW YA DOIN’?” he asked my father as they shook hands, my father’s mouth stuffed with pasta.
He continued, “Hey do you know how to turn a fox into an elephant?”
My dad had already started laughing without even knowing the answer. His friend Gary asked how.
“YA MARRY HER!!”
Everyone at our table burst into laughter. I even laughed. Not so much at this guy’s pathetic joke but rather at the familiarity of the situation and at the fact that I now I will hear this joke at least 4 more times this year: Easter, a few times at the lake this summer, and maybe even Thanksgiving. The best part is that I will know exactly where it came from and that will help me to laugh along no matter how many times I hear it. Even if it’s only my dad and I laughing.

It’s not every day that you meet someone crazy…

Unless you are me. Then you meet crazy people all the time.

My boyfriend tells me that it’s because I am non-threatening and approachable that complete strangers with odd quirks tend to seek me out of crowds and share their thoughts and feelings with me. Feelings about the weather, their health, the pants they just bought…anything really. Many cringe at the experiences I have had in super markets, subways, my work place, school, etc. However, I absolutely love it. I am always eager to share a good story about the quirky people who weave in and out of my life.

What you need to know about this blog and about me is that I am judgmental. I think we all are at least a little judgmental but don’t like admitting it. While it can be a poor personality trait, I thoroughly embrace this about myself and use it to my advantage. I tend to pick out tiny details about people and form for them an entire personality based on these details. I am completely aware that my judgments are often wrong but I find it fun regardless. When I am wrong, I enjoy that the person in question has surprised me. So please, judge me in return but try to (somehow) keep an open mind about my closed one. I’m not trying to be mean, I just enjoy people and trying to figure them out. Enjoy and please share your own stories.